My dearest daughter Stella Li.
Light of my life, my world, my star, my precious, my baby, my sweet daughter, Stella Li.
Oh how I miss you. The pain is so real that I am surprised sometimes that I have not fallen apart. The sharpness of the pain always takes my breath away as I remember again that you are gone from this world and I will never see your smile or hear your laugh again while on this earth. It is both crushingly numbing and terribly painful at the same time. Still, the days go on and I wake and sleep and wake and sleep somehow without you by my side. I miss you so much. I miss your hands, with the fingernails that grew so fast I would need to cut them every 3 days. I miss your feet that were always sticky and moist that you would put on me and on everything. You always loved your feet from the moment you were born. I miss your hair. You always had so much of it. The tips were tinged brown because you had hair while you were inside me growing, natural frosted tips. Baby hair is so silky, and I so miss stroking yours…
This time last year, you fell terribly ill and had your first major metabolic crisis. We entered 2016 on that note, not knowing if we would lose you, but you fought back and we were able to go home. I remember distinctly hoping our family would never spend another holiday in the hospital. This year, we won’t be in the hospital, but I would give anything and everything to be back in a hospital room with you.
I will enter this new year without you by my side, but you will be in my heart as the clock strikes midnight. I will carry you with me into 2017 so the world doesn’t forget the star that you are. My Stella Star. My sweet Stella Li. I will sing your name. Stella Li.
My darling daughter. I love you. I miss you. I’m sorry. Mommy and daddy will work hard to make you proud this year. We love you so so much. Happy new year Stella.