Dearest daughter of mine Stella Li~

How are you today my Stella Li? Are you laughing and playing? I miss you my baby. It’s only 7:30 and already the day feels empty without you.

Today is 49 days since you went to heaven Stella. I know you are having a wonderful time up there, but it has been 49 days of sadness for me. I miss you so. I miss your smell. I miss your voice. I miss your touch. I miss your happiness and the look on your face when you saw me. I miss you I miss you I miss you Stella Li.

Stella….Stella…There are so many things I want to say to you, but it is all jumbled up in my head. You still hear me though, right? In those moments of clarity when I speak to you in my mind, scream to you that I love you and miss you, I hope in some way you can hear me. I don’t want you to ever forget how much I love and I miss you. I know that even if you don’t hear me, you know, but me as your earth-bound mom, I just wish you could hear me.

Your Lina Emo told me yesterday about a new baby elephant that was born in the Disney Magic Kingdom. I saw the article too but skipped it when the headlines read that they had named the new baby elephant Stella. It was just too hard for me to see your name written over and over but it not be about you. Imagine my surprise when I found out from Lina Emo that the new baby elephant was named Stella, and mommy elephant’s name is Donna. Just like you and me. I’ve never been jealous of an elephant before, but I am now. That Donna Elephant still has her Baby Elephant Stella to love and live with. Elephant Donna and Elephant Stella are together, but this Donna is alone and her baby Stella is in Heaven.

We will go see you today Stella Li. Daddy and I will go to your ashes today. We miss you Stella Li. We love you ever so much. Give great-grandma a hug for me and tell her I love her and miss her too. I know you two are probably the greatest pair up there. I bet grandma is teaching you how to golf. She loves you so. I miss her so. I miss you both.

I love you. I miss you. Always and Forever.

Mommy.1475256888557

 

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