My sweet sweet Stella Li!!!
Oh how I miss you. Oh how I miss you as I sit in the dark waiting again for the sound of you stirring in the early morning, a sound that I will never hear again until I see you in heaven. I know you are doing well. I know that you are loved beyond belief and you are happy up there and that is the thought I cling to.

Yesterday was a big day for your grandpa Stella Li. Your grandfather officially became an Elder at our church. We bought him flowers to celebrate, and it was one of the first times I’ve seen my dad truly smile since you left. I wish you could have been here with us, but I think you and grandma would have been watching that moment and I picture you clapping for joy. I think you were proud of your grandpa, just as he was always and will forever be proud of you. 

I loved seeing you together, you and my dad. I was your favorite because I was Mommy, but there is an undeniable connection between the two of you that was so plain to see. He loves you so and you loved him. I could see it in every gesture and every movement. I could see it on his face as he looked upon you and I saw the same love, equal in strength and depth as you looked back at him with your sweet smile. 

I am so thankful I have so many pictures and videos of you. When I sink to my darkest moments, when the “what ifs” and “why Stella” becomes too heavy, when even prayer does little to ease the pain, I look at these most precious moments. Moments captured forever, you captured forever, smiling your smile and flashing me your dimple. And through the tears and through the heartache, I smile.

I cry today because I miss you Stella. But I will always smile because of you. You still and will always bring me joy. 

I love you dear daughter. I love you Stella Li. Always and forever. 

Mommy.

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