3 months today.
The struggle is real.
I miss you. I love you.
Most parents count the passing days by the milestones their children achieve: first steps, first solo potty, first day of school, first dance, first car, graduation, college, college graduation, marriage, kids….
Bereaved parents don’t have that luxury. We count how long it has been since our world went to pieces: a day, a week, a month, 3 months…
I can’t imagine how it will be next month..Or how I will cope when your birthday in April comes..But today I feel the weight of it all. I look in the mirror and feel like I have aged so much these past months. Losing you has taken so much of me. I feel like a shell, a shadow of my former self.
I just miss you so damn much. I’m tired of holding back the tears. I’m tired of feeling the pain spread from my heart to every part of my body. I’m tired of the now familiar feeling in my throat before the tears and the wails come. I’m tired of “faking it till I make it”, I’m just tired. But maybe, hopefully, today is just a bad day. Maybe it’s worse because I know that today marks 3 months since you left my side.
So I’ll suffer through it. I’ll look through blurry eyes at your beautiful image caught and saved forever in time, again and again. Forever perfect. Forever young. Forever a day shy of 19 months old. Forever loved. Forever my sweet daughter.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.
I love you. I miss you. Always and forever .