Dearest daughter of mine~
Stella Li~ I miss you so.
Time is a tricky thing. It passes so quickly. 6 months have passed since you left my arms. What equals to a third of your life passed by so so quickly, even though each and every day seemed long, agonizing, and exhausting because you aren’t here. 6 months. Half a year. A third of the life you lived. Gone in what seems like the blink of an eye. But I know it wasn’t a blink. I felt every painful second of your absence.
I’ve kept myself busy, but I am slow. The world whirls by each day and I struggle to keep up, but somehow I manage. Life goes on, I guess. Summer is here and flowers and leaves are colorfully decorating the world. It’s hot. I would be worrying about if you had had enough to drink, if you were too hot, and what to dress you in. You had so many clothes to choose from.
I finally cleaned your room. It had been sitting with clothes flung everywhere since the day we got the call for your liver and hurriedly drove you to the hospital. It still smells like you in there Stella. I sit in your room sometimes when I miss you, and just breathe in your scent. It is finally clean now, but still missing you.
I have tried to hold off on writing your letters Stella, because I speak to you everyday. I know you hear me when my mind screams “I love you”, “I miss you”, and “come back”. I also hold off
on writing because the days I write to you, I am exhausted. It drains me. The next morning my eyes are always swollen from the tears that fall. It is hard.
But I will write when I find the strength. It is hard to look back on the letters I wrote you, not only the letters I wrote you after you left, but also the letters I wrote you while you were here and I expected to give to you on your 18th birthday. These letters are a documentation, a timeline of your life, and where I was at that point in mine. They are heartbreaking to read. I know I wrote these letters, but reading them again, months and years down the line, despite how sad it is, I know the common theme of all of these is my love for you. It never changes. It never falters. My love for you my daughter is strong. It will never fail.
So I will keep writing, even when it hurts to remember and even when it scares me that I will forget. Because I know for the rest of my life there is an absolute truth. That truth is my love for you and the knowledge that I will see you again soon. In the blink of an eye Stella, in the blink of an eye.
I love you my sweet Stella Li. Always and forever.